Do you ever have that feeling of just being unsettled with life in general? That combination of external events combined with internal things leaving you feeling completely out of balance? That’s where I have been lately. Unsettlingly unsettled. This post is not so much about the house, but more about my general well being, so feel free to skip if you aren’t interested, I won’t be offended if you do.
At the end of April, I posted about feeling frozen and unable to get anything accomplished. I then went on to outline my plans to complete five priority projects to get the ball rolling. So, it is nearly three months later and I decided it was time to come clean about whats going on, and provide an update on the status of each of them.
|Project||Level of Completion||Status/Notes|
|1||Install dryer vent to exhaust out of basement window.||25%||I started this and then abandoned it as other things got in the way. I still need to cut and install the window panel for the exhaust vent. In the meantime, we have been exhausting the dryer towards the open window when we are doing laundry. So some of the hot air and moisture is being sent outside, but its not a very efficient solution.|
|2||Replace powder room floor.||0%||I have spent far too many hours thinking about how I am going to go about doing it. I have ordered the lumber and it’s been sitting in the reception hall since the beginning of June. But I decided the workbench needed to be completed first in order to ensure there was enough space in the basement to work on the powder room floor.|
|3||Build workbench in the basement.||20%||The lumber was delivered and I got a good start on the workbench in early June, but the second day of working on it, I got derailed when I strained my lower back causing me to halt all work to allow my back to heal.|
|4||Replace ceiling in guest bath.||0%||I was hoping to work on this before the summer heat set in because it is going to be a hot and very dirty job and I want to complete it during mild weather to avoid heat exhaustion. This is possibly on hold for now.|
|5||Replace guest bath shower.||0%||We have been showering with a plastic tarp around the inside of the tub since last year and although it is about unglamorous as you can get, we recently decided that we should wait until the master bath is completed before we work on doing this shower. We don’t want to risk having no shower at all should there be any delays in getting this one done.|
So I guess the big question is “What the hell have I been doing?” Seriously, what have I been doing this past three months? I did complete a drawing class and I also found a new passion in woodcut print making, there is that… And there has certainly been some progress and there are definitely small wins here and there with the house. But honestly, nothing of any major significance has happened. The laundry list of reasons why varies, but primarily it boils down to the physical and the mental. As April turned into May, then May to June, etc, the motivation to get stuff done just wasn’t there. This is where things get personal and I get to share a bit of where I am at and why the lack of progress.
First, I’ve said this before, but I am not twenty years old anymore. I simply cannot keep up the same pace of work I once was able to do, and with my birthday falling this week, I am truly reminded that youth has definitely slipped away (although I must add that wisdom is magical). I may still be in my early 50s, but I simply cannot put in the effort I once did without paying for it dearly the next day in physical discomfort. It’s actually very frustrating to me because my brain says I should be able to get X, Y, and Z done in one day, and I am lucky to get X done and maybe part of Y, but definitely not Z.
My general overall health is fine according to my doctor during my last physical in December. I an fortunate that I take only a single daily prescription along with an over the counter drug. But, beyond my general inability to complete as much as I once did, I have experienced the return of past injuries (primarily Plantar Fasciitis) and experienced relatively new aches and pains in my lower back.
Fortunately, I seem to have recovered from my back pain for the most part, but after celebrating a perfect month of 30 minute daily walks in June (averaging 13k steps a day. WooHoo!), my plantar fasciitis flared up in my right foot leaving me with an intense burning sensation in my heal and squelching my daily routine. Every time I would stand up after sitting for a few minutes, or in the morning, I would have shooting pain in my heal and be virtually unable to walk at all. This makes getting up at 3AM to go the bathroom an especially painful experience. I have to hold onto the bed frame, and door frame, and walls to make my way into the bathroom. The pain was also a challenge during the 425 mile drive home from Provincetown recently. Cruise control helped, but slowdowns and stop and go traffic kept my right foot busy between the gas pedal and the brakes. It didn’t help when my leg cramped up in the middle of stop and go on I-95 in White Plains, NY. But I got through it.
Fortunately more than a week after getting home, this too seems to be getting a bit better. I started acupuncture last week and I’ve done my best to stay off of my foot in general (except for the 13 miles of walking last Friday). There is no quick fix for Plantar Fasciitis, but with time it will get easier, and I am hopeful that the acupuncture will help as well.
Aside from my physical health, there is the issue of my mental health. I haven’t shared this publicly before, but I have a long history of periodic depression. Its usually mild to moderate, and only occasionally severe, but it has been a part of my world as far back as my teenage years. I am thankful that the severe form hasn’t been in my life in nearly ten years, but the moderate has level most certainly been lingering about lately. I have been on a daily medication for it for most of my adult life, and nearly all the time it works just fine and life carries along. But lately there have been a few days when the chaotic headlines have sent me into a tailspin of depression, fear, and anxiety about where things are headed.
I tend to avoid politics here, but If you have been reading my past posts, it is pretty easy to figure out where I land. The constant barrage of bombshell news reports has had a huge impact on my mental health. Just talking about it can get my blood boiling. This endless diatribe of pandemonium has left me in a near constant state of feeling morose, depleting my energy and my will to get anything done. Without going into details, I will say that if the Supreme Court reverses my right to be legally married to my husband, we will need to revaluate things and very seriously consider our options. I spent my entire life feeling like a second class citizen until Marriage Equality passed, and I do not want to go backwards. With that said, I’ll leave the topic right here.
In addition to the physical and mental impacts of this past few months, there have been other external factors as well causing the period of general malaise. Adjusting to a new city is never easy, and while we both have zero regrets about giving up our NYC lives to dial things down here in Philly, we both know that it will take some time to settle in and adapt to our new life (especially the more prevalent summer humidity). To that end, I am committed to moving forward, and plan to pick up from where I left off in May. I hope to finish the dryer vent and my workbench soon, and then dive into the powder room floor. The other two items will likely be resolved following the completion of the master bath.
So, now that I have gotten all this off my chest, I do hope you will stick around and follow along. I promise many pretty things to come! In the meantime, I will leave you with a shot of tiny
Bondine Hancock Street [CORRECTION: This is Hancock Street. See it here: https://goo.gl/maps/3BdpQDaaVpt] I recently discovered in our neighborhood.